The Frakenjuice: Now that's not very Frakenjuice...

The world is filled with beautiful frakenjuice companies (In & Out Burger), people (Bernie Mac/Isaac Hayes), and wonders (Lava lamps/Sponge Microphone) on this little planet we call earth. In addition, there are obviously not-so-beautiful and anti-frakenjuice elements on our cute little ball of blue. In addition to the addition, I don't like to talk about these negative and despicable creations that act like terrorists to our perception of life. The Frakenjuice is about celebrating all that is beautiful and glorious in life!

Yet, there is a pimple infested, vice-maggot licking, Carlos Mencia adoring face out there that not even Arnold Schwarzenegger's Mr. Freeze could stand to look at.

Yes, my little Baby-Making 7k grand prize winners... Cheap chinsuckingpieceofshitfloppycameldongservicethatcouldntpleasurearedheadednymph Tickets.com (aka Satan's Bunghole)

Little story for ya...

I was a few weeks from leaving the wonderful country of San Francisco and I decided that after I left SF I was going to visit some friends in Houston and then jet out to L.A. to survey the area and look for a place to live before I permanently move out there. Easy as Cameron Diaz, right?

So, me being the crafty money saving puma that I am, I googled the phrase "cheap flights." As I looked through my search results I come across Cheaptickets.com. I'm thinking, "Oh sheetz yeah, I've heard of this site...I'm going to check it out." Done and Done.

I go to the site and although it looked a little amateurish I proceeded with my search. Now, I only needed to get from Houston to LA and LA to Baltimore...My SF to Houston trip was paid for by the company I was working for this past summer. Money in the bank.

I get my flights situated and I only have one layover in Denver to get to LA and I have a nonstop flight from LA to Baltimore.

All is well said Moses, All is ......ghlkouhblskjdhdjdhss.

Wrong. Something was rotten in the state of Denmark. Festering spoiled Rotten.

I head to Houston (not using cheaptickets.com) have a blast there. Then a week later I get a friendly reminder reminding me that my flight to LA is in 2 days. Sweet! Cheaptickets is awesome! (Note, this will be the last time I ever utter that word combination).

I check the itinerary. Yup, Ok, Aiiight everything is looking good...except for one tiny blip. They have me going from George Bush Intercontinental Airport instead of Hobby like I indicated in my initial request. At the time of my purchase, I did not know that Houston had 2 airports (within it's city limits 'cause Houston is f'ing ginormous). Me being an idiot.

Nonetheless, I specifically typed in Hobby to LAX. Literally, as late at 10pm the night before my trip, I thought I was leaving Houston via Hobby airport. Yet, something within me told me that I needed to recheck my flight itinerary (this was one of those weird random thought moments, as if the universe actually liked me...maybe even coming onto me.)

IAH to LAX! I don't know what IAH stands for but it's the abbreviation for George Bush Intercontinental Airport. Similar to the Bill is short for William or Dick to Richard phenomenon. ps. If anyone knows how this originated...please inform me.

Cheaptickets.com STRIKE 1

Strike 2 came very soon after when I checked into United Airlines to get my boarding pass and to check my luggage. Now, I was living in SF for 2 months and I had a lot of stuff with me so I had to check 2 of my bags. I put one bag on the weight thingy...cool....I put my other bag on the weight thingy....not cool. United has a policy that you must pay an extra $25 for each additional checked bag. REALLY!? That's funny 'cause Southwest doesn't pull that bullshit nor did cheaptickets.com inform me of this when I was buying my flights. I later noticed that Cheaptickets.com only informed me about this extra fee in my "friendly reminder." Sneaky sneaky.

The next Strike was called when United only gave me my boarding ticket to Denver (my connecting flight) and not my flight from Denver to LA. I knew that I had to change airlines in Denver (United to Delta) but I figured that Cheaptickets.com had some hookup with United or whatever that would allow me to get my boarding pass, like a normal person, at one spot. Nooerppe. I guess that was me being a tard too but ....really? I have to go to 2 spots to get my boarding pass?....c'mon now. I'm using this service to get me cheap flights not a ghetto ass travel experience. If the name of Cheapflights.com changed to Ghettoasstravel.com....this article would not be written and maybe I would even commend Ghettoasstravel.com for its honesty and dedication to informing the public of its services.

This post is running a little long and I literally could spend pages complaining about my travel experience. However, I will summarize the rest of my experience.

Strike 4= I found out that Cheaptickets.com searches every airline for the cheapest flights EXCEPT Southwest, which ironically has the cheapest flights on the market. Too perfect.

Strike 5= I get to Denver and have to take a train to another terminal (where Delta was) then get my boarding pass from one of those Kiosk thingies at my gate.

Strike 6= I get on my Delta aircraft (kinda) which was small, crowded, and I sat next to a guy in his late 40's that cleared his throat ever 5 mins and was playing a PSP. Also, every 40 seconds or so I thought the plane was literally going to start shedding parts and crash into a mountain.

= My travel experience

To close, I wish to impart some info on you. Check Southwest flights first. They have very comfortable and spacious seating on board, laptop plug-in centers at the gate, and they have a heart on their logo...Frakenjuice. To really close...I give you videos of Awkwardness.